Q: There are 500 bricks on a plane. One falls off. How many are left?
A: 499
Q: What are the three steps to putting an elephant in the fridge?
A: Open door, put elephant in, close door.
Q: What are the 4 steps to putting a giraffe in the fridge?
A: Open door, take elephant out, put giraffe in, close door.
Q: The Lion King is having a birthday party. All the animals attend but one. Which animal is it, and why?
A: Giraffe. He's stuck in a fridge.
Q: Sally wants to cross an alligator infested river. There's no bridge and the only way she can get across is by swimming. She swims across and makes it to the other side safely. Why?
A: The alligators are all at a birthday party.
Q: Sally dies anyways. Why?
A: She got hit in the head by a flying brick.
So, theres this guy at his apartment and he smoking weed for his therapy session. Well his neighbors dispice him and call the cops after smelling a batch cause he refuses to share. As the police appear and smell this outside his door, they bang on the door.BANG!BANG! "Open up, it's the police." Calmly he goes to the door, douses his light and puts his magic bag of weed into his back pocket. Opening the door, the officer demands to search the place, as he goes, he find his magic bag of weed and says. "AH HA! Caught you red handed", the officer snickers. His neighbors boil with laughter inside thinking he will go to jail until the man speak. "Ahem, I have a reason for this." With the officer rolling his eyes to hear the story he lets him proceed. "You see officer this is is a magic bag of weed, I can't keep it off me because everytime I flush it down the toilet, it jumps right back out again and into my back pocket.", Frowning the officer is laughing with a argument back and forth on finding this whole story rediculous. "Fine I'll proove it to you!" The man shouts. The officer gives him the bag confidently and watches him empty it into the toilet were he flushes it down the toilet. When nothing appears the officer goes. "Well?" Smirking the man goes "Well what?" With the neighbors mouths gaped opened the officer becomes annoyed. "Where the hells the drugs at?" The man smirks again. "What drugs?"
One day two brothers were raking in the front yard. The older brother, who is 6, says, "Hey, at breakfast tomorrow, me and you should say a cuss word!" The younger brother, who is 4, nods with excitement. So, the next day, the their mother says, "What do you want for breakfast?" to the older brother. He replies, "All hell! I'll have some Cherrios!" The mother grabs him by the ear and spanks him all the way up the stairs into his room. "Now, what do you want for breakfast?" The mother says to the younger brother. "I don't know, but you can bet your fat ass it ain't going to be Cherrios!"
A gorilla dies of old age at a zoo right before the zoo opens. It is the only gorilla at the zoo since they are not very profitable.
However, the gorilla is their most popular attraction by far, and they cannot afford to go a day without it. So the zoo owner asks one of his workers to wear a gorilla suit they have in storage for an extra $100 a day if he will go in the gorilla cage and pretend to be the gorilla until the zoo can afford a new one.
Quickly, the new "gorilla" becomes the most popular craze at the zoo. People from all over are coming to see the "Human-like" gorilla.
About a month in, the craze has started to wear off. So, to get peoples' attention back, he decides to climb over his enclosure and hang from the net ceiling above the lions den next to him. A large crowd of people gather watching the spectacle in awe and terror. Suddenly the man loses his grip and falls to the floor of the lion's den. The man starts screaming "HELP!! HELP!!!" Suddenly a lion pounces him from behind and whispers in his ear, "Shut the fuck up right now or you're going to get us both fired."
Jingle Bells parody 1:
Dashing through the sand
with a bomb stuck to my back,
I've got a nasty plan for Christmas in Iraq.
I got through checkpoint A but not through checkpoint B.
That's when I got shot by the US Military.
Jingle Bells parody 2:
dashing through the snow
on a pair of broken skis, over the hills we go
bashing into trees, the snow is turning red,
I think I'm almost dead,
All I want for Christmas now is a hospital bed.
Jingle Bells Parody 3:
Santa Clause, Santa Clause, Santa Clause is dead
Rudolph took a .44 and shot him in the head, oh
Barbie doll, Barbie doll tried to save his life
but GI- Joe FROM MEXICO stabbed her with a knife
Me and my friend are having a competition. We want to see if we can see what kind of people actually see this site so who ever wins wins £20 If ur a boy then kick ass If ur a girl then lame :-)
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